


Impossible

by giraffestyles (vote_saxon)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Dating, F/M, Fandom, Fangirls, Impossible, Internet, London, Love, M/M, Tumblr, Twitter, celebrity, directioner - Freeform, fangirling, i worked hard on this one, labour of love, mrs styles, slightly AU, would it be impossible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-14 08:31:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3403937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vote_saxon/pseuds/giraffestyles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles left his girlfriend Lexi in Cheshire and doesn't want the world OR his band mates to know about her.<br/>Finally, she turns to social media to sabotage his big celebrity life and in the process makes some friends and breaks some hearts.<br/>How much trouble will Lexi get herself into and how much lying will she need to do when she finds herself flung into his world while he STILL refuses to admit he knows who she is while around the 1D lads? </p><p>Maybe it IS impossible to love Harry Styles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cheshire & Anne

No, my life hasn’t really changed. I just get up every day like normal. I try not to watch too much TV, try to avoid magazine stands. I try to visit Anne as much as possible; she’s been feeling weird lately with her empty nest. But, no, other than that, my life hasn’t really changed. I’m just Harry Styles’ girlfriend, and nobody else knows but me.  
  
 Well, by that I mean, no one else knows, other than the people who matter. Harry knows, thank goodness, because that would be frightful. But to the outside world, Harry is just a playboy womanizer that bounces from lady to lady. I know this is not true, I know this because when you think he is alone, or with another celebrity, he is with me. Just me, his Lexi.  
  
 “Where is Harry right now?” Anne asked me over tea. I was visiting after class and she had been alone all day.  
  
 “Well, if you check tumblr, he is in Jamaica, and London and Cheshire today.” I grinned.  
  
 Anne almost spit out her tea. “That’s my busy boy. Well, where is he really?”  
  
 “London. He is meeting up with Louis to go check on Niall. He’s still on the crutches and they haven’t seen him since the surgery.” I mentioned, picking up a jammy dodger and dipping it into my mug.  
  
 “And, how are you feeling about Harry not being home for Valentine’s Day?” Anne prodded.  
  
 I paused, putting down my mug. “I’m used to it.” I forced a smile. This is how things were, and I was okay with that.

  
  
x.x.x.x.x

  
  
 Later that night, after I had eaten and fed the cats (He had named them Bob and Kyle even though they were females) I was snuggled up in bed, scrolling through my facebook absentmindedly, getting ready to fall asleep when my phone woke up from its daylong silence. It buzzes gently, letting me know I had a text.

  
  
  _Hello my darlin Lex! –Harry_  
  
 _Where have you been all day?_ _L -Lexi_  
  
 _Sorry love been so busy! Niall says hi though and he is doing well!-Harry_  
  
 _I’m glad! What can I do for you this evening Mr Styles?” –Lexi_  
  
 _You can tell me that you love me so very much and that you miss me!-Harry_  
  
 _Can’t do that! Not polite to lie! :P- Lexi_  
  
 _Ouch that hurts! I know it’s late bby, but was just thinking of you xox-Harry_  
  
 _I’m going to crash now, but, I do love you! –Lexi_  
  
 _I know you do! ^.^ Talk to you tomorrow Lex! –Harry_  
  
  
I placed my phone on the bedside table and plugged it into its charger. I rolled over and pulled Harry’s pillow close to me. Even though he hadn’t slept on it in a while, it still had a faint scent of his shampoo on it.

  
  
x.x.x.x.x

  
  
 Classes were unbearable on Valentine’s Day. I went to Uni full time, trying to get a degree in English lit.  
  
 Even though I was used to being the odd duck that kept to herself, the couples on campus today were just unabashedly unbearable. People looked on at me like I was pathetic, but they didn’t know. Somedays it was just harder than others to keep my mouth shut.  
  
 My friend Angela came home with me after classes and we ranted on about how busy Harry was and if it really would be better or not If everyone just KNEW. But no, it couldn’t. Harry had a persona to maintain.  
  
 Angie was a hard-core Directioner and nothing made her happier than when I told her about the boys. Tonight was no exception as I updated her on Niall’s knee situation and that Harry never did actually go to Jamaica.  
  
 “I would whoop his behind if he went without me!” I exclaimed, stuffing my mouth with popcorn.  
  
My phone buzzed almost on cue.

  
  
_Don’t be alarmed, but I am back in L.A-Harry_  
  
 _What the crap are you doing over there? –Lexi_  
  
 _Kendall –Harry_

  
  
I laughed at his bad joke. The public thought he fancied Kendall Jenner right now. So, keeping up appearances meant he needed to be Keeping up with the Kardashian.  
  
 Angie was not impressed however.  
  
 “That boy is such a menace. Legit, he needs to calm his imaginary publicity hormones!” Angie hollered, tossing the bowl of popcorn to the side and stealing my phone away.

  
  
_Boy, you must be trippin’! Bring yo skinny ass back here and kiss yo gurl ! (This is Angie!) –Lexi_  
  
 _HIII ANGIEEEE –Harry_  
  
 _Just ignre her bby, it’s all good, I’ll see you soon x-Lexi_  
  
 _x-Harry_

  
“You put up with wayyy to much girl!” Angie complained, picking popcorn out of my carpet before Bob or Kyle could get to it.  
  
 “You can’t think of it that way. You have to think of it as a game, like messing with the paparazzi and the media!” I added.  
  
 “How so?” Angie asked.  
  
 “Well, I know something they don’t know. And I get to laugh when they print fake crap.”  
  
 Angie sighed, “That’s not a good enough trade.”  
  
 “It won’t always be like this!” I asserted.  
  
 “Hell yes it will! Let’s look at some examples, shall we? Take the Backstreet Boys, Nsync, those boys will always be popular and will not have normal lives!”  
  
 “Joey Fatone has a normal life!”  
  
 “Girl, Joey wasn’t the main dude though!” Angie protested.  
  
 I threw myself on my bed, defeated,  tossed my cat off of Harry’s pillow and claimed it as my own once again.  
  
 “There’s nothing I can do about it Angie! He will come home eventually and all of this conversation won’t even matter! Whether the world knows about it or not, Harry Styles is mine, and he loves me!”  
  
Angie rolled her eyes.

  
  
x.x.x.x.

  
  
 I had assumed that classes would go back to normal after Valentine’s Day, but they didn’t. Things got worse. Because I don’t watch TV, and don’t look at magazines (to avoid seeing Harry positioned with other women that aren’t me) I don’t always know when something is going on.

  
 So, the fact that I knew that One Direction did an interview that day, was that it was the popular topic on everyone’s lips.

  
  
 Finally, I googled it on my phone and found a video clip.

  
  
  _Interviewer: So Harry, tell us about your love life!_  
  
 _Harry: Oh, I don’t kiss and tell!_

  
  
I rolled my eyes, so did Louis beside him.

  
  
_Louis: Harry just tell her!_

  
  
Harry blushed. He looked so darn cute, I could barely contain myself.

  
  
_Interviewer: Harry, how WAS your Valentine’s day yesterday? Did you spend it with someone special? We heard you have been in LA since yesterday with a miss Kendall!_  
  
 _Harry: Kendall and I are just really good friends._  
  
 _Interviewer: Of course! Well love, if you did have a Valentine who would it be?_  
  
 _Harry: I think my Valentine would be named Alexandrea._

  
  
My breathing stopped. He said my name. On TV, that was now on youtube, for everyone to see.

  
  
_Interviewer: Oh some lucky girl named Alexandrea will be very happy to hear that!_  
  
 _Harry: I hope so._

  
  
Harry grinned and I grinned back at him. This was why everyone was freaking out, Harry Styles said someone by name. They knew just like I knew, this was important, this meant something. I closed my phone with a feeling of satisfaction.  
  
 I would see him next week when he came back to see Anne before the Brit Awards and I couldn’t wait.  
  
Maybe it wasn’t impossible to love Harry Styles.  
  
  



	2. BRITs and Tumblr

_“I just won’t have any time.”_ Harry’s voice came out of my cellphone.  
  
 _“There’s never enough time!”_ I mumbled back.

  
  
 Harry was back in the UK in time for the BRIT awards. I had been waiting patiently for him to come home, but he managed his time poorly, and wouldn’t be coming back to Cheshire beforehand. He was in London.  
  
I threw my arms up exasperated and landed hard on my couch. All the cuteness and adoration he gained from the name drop in the interview a week ago was quickly dissipating.  
  
I logged into twitter, something I very rarely did, and sent a DM to Louis.

  
  
 _“Kick his ass for me, would ya Tommo?”_ I sent.

  
  
 I was angry. I was completely allowed to be, I had earned it. I knew he was probably sitting around with his dearest Tomlinson right now, totally unaware how angry he was making me. At that moment, confirming my thought on the other end of the phone I heard Harry groan in pain.

  
  
  _“What was that for Louis?!”_ he exclaimed, his voice far away from the phone he was probably wildly waving around dramatically.  
  
 _“Lexi told me to!”_ I could hear Louis say.

  
  
 Confirmed, Larry Stylinson were hanging out in London. I had the best scoop ever. If only I had a tumblr. I would be the most efficient Larry blogger ever.  
  
My DM box flashed in front of me, I had a response from Louis.

  
  
 _“Yes ma’am. What did he do?”_ Louis had typed.

  
  
I laughed. He had attacked the boy without even having a reason.  It felt like a little power trip on my part.

  
  
 _“Thank you dear! You can have him explain that to you love, and maybe see you soon x”_ I typed back and closed out of twitter before I could get too distracted. After all, I WAS still on the phone with Harry, who was yelling at Louis still with his phone far away from his face.

  
 Eventually he came back on the line and apologized a hundred more times for not coming home. He wouldn’t let me off the phone until I accepted his apology.

  
  
x.x

  
   
 The day after the BRITs I got another text from Mr. Styles.  
  
 _“Hey babeee. I’m headed back to LA, really sorry! Please let Mum know! Love you ! x”_  
  
I resisted the urge to throw my beautiful new phone across my house. I also resisted the urge to NOT tell Anne that her son was back on a ten hour flight back to the States. It would have been glorious for him to get yelled at by his Mum, but I made the better choice.  
  
 I decided not to answer his text though. I was allowed to be a little bit petty.

  
  
X.x  
  
 I missed Harry a lot. I looked at my laptop as if it were an evil creature, as I opened its lid and googled Harry Styles.  
 Pictures of my boyfriend flooded my screen. I was filled with conflicting emotions of anger and love. This was completely unmanageable.  
 I had been texting him all week but never got an answer. My eyes scanned the pictures, expecting shots from LA. But no, my eyes saw familiar sights.  
  
 He was at London Fashion Week! He was still in London! Or he had been the day before at least!  
  
 I continued scrolling, clicking on tumblr links that I would usually avoid, coming face to face with shots of him with Cara and Kendall. I knew they were just his friends, I knew this. But this was just too much.  
  
Tears filled my eyes unexpectedly. He had been in London this whole time. I didn’t bother texting him the rest of the day.  
  
 The next day I went back online and was welcomed with photos of Harry actually arriving at LAX.  
  
I was filled with the urge to hurt him like he was hurting me.  
  
 I went back to tumblr ad made an account. I wanted to know Harry the way his fans did. I wanted to see what Harry Styles was presenting to everyone else, because as the days went by I realized he was slowly becoming media Harry all the way.

  
  
x.x.x

  
  
Today was Louis’ charity game with the Donny Rovers. Gemma and I carpooled it and drove to Doncaster to support Louis. I was shocked to find out Harry wasn’t there.  
  
Regardless I sat with El and Stan and got lots of great photos for Lou. We even saw some familiar faces in the crowd. I didn’t usually interact with fans because they didn’t know that I existed, but because I was with Gemma a lot, a few people did.  
  
 Gem and I went out for lunch with Jana and Ashley who had driven to Doncaster like us, but from London. They were also genuinely confused why Harry wasn’t there. They were very firm believers I Larry Stylinson. Before the game I was also, and although I could understand Harry not making time for me, I couldn’t understand why he didn’t make time for Louis. Nothing made sense anymore.  
  
 Seeing Jana and Ashley did give me an idea though. Being oblivious to everything hadn’t helped me. I knew what I had to do; I had to get under Harry’s skin, the way the Larry shippers got to Louis. I needed to use my new tumblr and use my twitter to get Harry to pay attention to me. I had to play the role of the fan and see how hard it would be to get Harry Styles to notice me.

  
  
 It would prove to be impossible.


	3. Rumours & Twitter

Starting a blog wasn’t as easy as it seemed. I needed something to really catch everyone’s eyes and help myself get enough followers for this to make a difference. I realized if I was going to do this properly, I needed to pull out all the stops.  
  
 I rummaged through and old box of photos for over an hour searching for the perfect image to share with tumblr. I settled on a photo of Harry from the summer before XFactor. He didn’t have any tattoos and we were at a pool party at his Dad’s house. The internet would love to see a never-before-seen photo of Harry Styles.  
  
 I scanned it and uploaded it to my laptop and felt a twinge of guilt as I tagged Harry in the blog post. Was lying about what continent he was on enough of a reason to punish him? Was I overreacting? I thought back to Stan talking to me while we were in Doncaster. He told me that Louis had invited both him and Eleanor to the BRITs. Harry hadn’t even taken the time to come and see me at all! Then he disappeared! Plus he was ignoring me! Maybe to some people this wasn’t enough to be angry, but I had had enough!  I considered talking it over with Angie, but I was worried she would talk me out of it. I needed to stand up for myself.  
  
 I got over my guilt and pressed ‘publish’. Now it was out of my hands.  
  
 That night I was bombarded with messages asking where I got the photo and if I had more. I had more, I had many many more. But I had a plan. I needed to circulate rumours and see how quickly they would get back to Harry. I let my followers build over a few days, informing people I was an old friend of Harrys’ in Cheshire. I promised more photos in exchange for followers.  
  
 I was scrolling along twitter and noticed a lot of update style accounts that would post photos and hints as to where the boys were currently.  
I texted Harry.

  
  
 _“Hey, where are you at right now?”_  
  
 _“Hello love! I’m down at Shangri La with Louis! He is getting some ink done!”_ He replied.

  
  
 Perfect. I screen capped my phone and sent it to the updates account.  I felt bad that Louis would be wrapped up in this, but really this just helped with the whole Larry thing in the long run.  
  
 Girls started posting floods of photos with Harry and Louis at the tattoo parlour within minutes. Now twitter knew I was reliable. I could say anything I wanted.  
  
 The next day I spammed twitter and tumblr with lies about Harry and Larry. In less time that I thought, I got a private message from Modest Mangement requesting that I cease and desist. They couldn’t figure out where I got the photos or the location from. So, I didn’t get Harry’s attention, but I got management. Was this a sign? Was this the best I could ever get from Harry? Management run arounds while he flew around from country to country?  
  
 Harry was like two different people now, and I had no way of knowing which one would show itself. Sure, he was answering my texts today and I knew he was in LA, but if the last few weeks were any indication, that could change quickly, and he may just decide not to bother telling me. Is it wrong to want to know what continent your boyfriend is on? Was he really even my boyfriend anymore?  
  
 I stepped back from my laptop alarmed. Was becoming this new vengeful person finally making me realize this? Maybe I lost Harry to the glamour of celebrity life a long time ago, maybe this was a wake up call. He had always promised to come home to me, no matter what. But now, he had broken that promise.  
  
 I decided to delete my new fangirl twitter and logged back into my real account. I was tired and knew I wanted to tweet to Harry, but I wasn’t quite sure how to word everything. So I settled on something I hoped would catch his attention.

  
  
  _@Harry_Styles is a clumsy llama giraffe that collects stuffed turtles!!_

  
  
 I laughed at the randomness and sent the tweet. I knew now it was lost in a flood of 19 million other people’s daily spam tweets. I knew he would never see it, but it gave me a weird sense of satisfaction to have my name mingled along with all the other fangirls.  
  
 The next morning I awoke to see that the tweet had been favorited by both Louis and the infamous Harry Freaking Styles.  
  
 My twitter was being absolutely spammed in a way it never had been before. I went from 30 followers to 1,000! This was my personal account! How could this have even happened! Why would Harry favorite it, since he was the one that wanted to keep me out of the public eye! How did he even SEE my tweet in the first place?  
  
Nothing made sense, once again. Harry left me bewildered and all I could do in response was put the kettle on and spend the day scrolling through tumblr avoiding piles of schoolwork.


	4. Niall, Louis & L.A

It was late at night. It had been a few weeks since my foray into the land of tumblr and twitter and I was cosy in my bed with a cuppa green tea. I got a text from a weird number with an area code I did not recognize.  
  
  _“Turtle turtle here.”_ It read.  
  
I scrunched up my face and glared at the number as if it were personally offending me by existing.  
  
 _“hula?”_ I texted back the offending number.  
  
 _“It’s me Lexiiiii.”_  
  
 _“OH TURTLE!”_ I realized, glancing over at the pile of plush turtles on top of Harry’s dresser.  
  
 _“yayyy! Wanted to be random since you don’t have this number haha!”_ he sent.  
  
 _“My number leaked somehow, had to get a new one_.” Came after.  
  
Oops. That may have been me. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned right? Still, at the end of the day, he was my gummi bear and he was adorable.  
  
 _“Did you know it’s 11pm though dear?”_ I asked him.  
  
 _“Ooooops its 4 here! I’m in L.A still. So excited, all the boys just got here too!”_  
  
 So, all of 1D is reunited in California. What, was London not good enough for them anymore?  
  
 _“What are you all doing out there so far from home?”_  
  
 _“Recording at Studio City Sound”_  
  
He talks about these things like I actually know if this is relevant or not. What a time to decide to include me in things!  
  
 _“Ever coming back home?”_   I sent.  
  
I waited so long for him to text back, that I fell asleep.  
  
 The next morning, I woke to find he had only sent back a smiley face sometime after I had fallen asleep. That was it. I did what any sane person with a 1D Updates twitter account would do-I tweeted out that 5/5 were in L.A recording at Studio City Sound.  
  
Then, I got on the phone with Angie and decided to do something even more spontaneous. I was going to go surprise Harry.  
  
X.x.x  
  
 “This is so exciting! I have never left the UK before!” Angie squeaked as we got off the plane in Los Angeles. She was so excited; she barely found the time to show any disapproval of popping in on Harry unannounced.  
  
  _“What are you thinking?!”_ She had initially protested when I called her up to come with me.  
  
 _“I am thinking that he is my boyfriend and normal people can surprise their boyfriends, right?”_ I said innocently.  
  
 _“Well, yes, but Harry isn’t normal! I mean, he’s normal, ish, except for that awful green coat that one time, but I am getting off topic, the point is maybe you will see something that you don’t want to see!”_  
  
 _“Like what!? Harry straddling Louis Tomlinson on a pull out couch in the middle of a recording studio?”_ I laughed, only half joking. That would be incredible to see.  
  
 _“Well that’s an extreme example. BUT YES BASICALLY. Doesn’t Kendall live out in L.A?”_ Angie asked.  
  
 _“Yes, but the thing with him and Kendall is just a cover up.”_  
  
 _“Right. A cover up for his gay love for Louis?”_ Angie joked.  
  
 _“You know, I honestly would be less insulted by a gay cover up than anything else.”_ I shrugged.  
  
 _“Well, I hope for your sake that Tommo’s legs are up in the air instead of hers then.”_ And that was the last time Angie brought it up. It was as if American soil had wiped her mind clean of such indecent ideas.  
  
 We got in a cab and went directly to the recording studio that Harry told me they would be at. It was midday, and at first I wasn’t sure if the boys would even be there, but luckily Zayn tweeted that they were recording just a few minutes ago.  
  
 We hung around the reception area at first; I told the receptionist that I was there to see Paul Higgens, and they let us right through. No one technically knew 1D was even here, so my knowledge of this must have given the lady a false sense of security. So yes technically I was allowed to know this information, and yes it was correct information, but I felt like an evil mastermind nonetheless.  
  
 We headed to the elevators when I was pleasantly surprised (but expecting) to see Jana and Ashley roaming around with cameras hanging from their necks.  
  
 _“Hello ladies!”_ I grinned at them.  
  
 _“No way! See! I told you the updates account was right! The boys are definitely here!”_ Jana squealed. She was always jumping off to places with the smallest amount of pushing.  
  
 _“Yes yes, I am SO glad.”_ Ashley said, relaxing a bit. _“We have been looking all around, going to try upstairs next.”_  
  
I smiled and remembered that they didn’t know the updates account was really mine. They thought I was just a friend of Gemma’s. We split up as Angie and I got on the elevators and the other girls crossed the lobby and took an escalator going another direction.  
  
 What I didn’t expect right off the bat was the end up in a confusing hallway that led us in circles because the walls were all white and there were no windows. I was starting to panic when we couldn’t even find our way back to the elevators, when I saw my blonde knight in shining 5SSOS tanktop. Of course, I mean Niall Horan.  
  
 _“Niall!”_ I squeaked, against my will. It just came out. He turned and faced me, right after I realized what I sounded like. A fangirl.  
 He smiled and walked up to us. Angie was fanning herself desperately with her hands, trying not to decompose on the spot. Neither of us had ever been face to face with Niall before. I had met Louis loads of times, but somehow never met Liam, Zayn or Niall.  
  
 _“Lost girls?”_ he asked, charm leaking out of his voice.  
  
 We opened our mouths to explain when we heard yelling.  
  
  _“No! It is OVER EL! OVER!!”_ I recognized Louis voice echoing through the narrow hallways around us. I couldn’t tell how far away his voice was.  
  
 _“I don’t care! I don’t ever want to see you again!”_ he continued shouting.  
  
 Thoughts of Larry filled my head. Louis and Eleanor broken up? This was pure tumblr gold. I itched to grab my phone, but managed to stand completely still as Niall’s face was filled with awkwardness at us all overhearing Louis’ phone conversation.  
  
 _“You ladies wanna come meet the band?”_ He smiled, _“I got no pen with me out here to sign for ya, so just come with me, since it’s just the two of ya.”_  
  
 I think he felt super bad we heard that, probably hoping we wouldn’t leak the information. That was Niall ‘diffuse the tension’ Horan.  
  
 I got kind of nervous. I wasn’t sure what I would do when I saw Harry. I didn’t exactly jump to correct Harry that we weren’t just random fans. I had come here with a purpose. But what would Harry expect me to do? To continue with the façade that I was non-existent?  
  
 “I’m Lexi, and this is Angie.” I said finally, as we walked through more confusing hallways that clearly Niall wasn’t very comfortable and familiar with either.  Angie was no help as she was walking weirdly and kept forgetting to breathe as I noticed we had passed the same potted plant twice, I stopped Niall in his tracks.  
  
 _“Are YOU the one that is lost Horan?”_ I asked.  
  
 He giggled. It was adorable.  
  
 _“Nah, nah.”_ He blushed, looking around for help. He pulled out his cell and dialed. I heard a phone ring not far away.  
 _“Niall?”_ I heard a voice down the hall ask out loud. It was Liam. Niall hung up the phone and turned his body towards Liam’s voice. _“Now I know where I am going!”_ He declared.  
  
 We followed him into a small mixing booth where Liam and Zayn were sitting in front of a mixing board and looking at Harry who was singing behind a glass panel. He stopped singing as we walked in.  
  
 _“Lads, this is Lexi and Angie.”_ Angie bounced as Niall said her name in an Irish accent. I thought she may pass out any moment. Niall continued talking despite this, _“Found ‘em lost in the hallways, thought they could sit in a bit.” He smiled, “Almost time for lunch anyways, ya?”_ he looked hopeful.  
  
 Zayn motioned for us to sit down as I spared a glance upwards to Harry. His jaw dropped just slightly, and then motioned for Liam to start the track again, and they continued recording.  
  
 _“Where’s Louis at then? I thought you had gone to find him and you came back with two ladies?”_ Liam asked.  
 _“He’s in the hallway breaking up with his girlfriend.”_ I piped in.  
  
 _“Oh….”_ Liam bit his lip, a look of shock on his face. _“So, Zayn, you’ll go switch with Harry then?”_ he supplied.  
  
 Zayn did not protest, and got up right away to switch places with Harry in the recording booth. I wondered if Harry would come into the mixing room…  
  
 Eventually Zayn appeared in front of us behind the glass. I busied myself talking with Niall about what kind of pizza he planned to have for lunch. Angie’s full attention was on Harry. She was bewildered that he hadn’t acted more boyfriend like or told the boys yet who I was to him. Also she suspected that Louis was breaking up with Eleanor because he was going to come in here any minute and straddle Harry on the floor of the booth. Sadly this did not happen, but Harry did come into the mixing booth with us, sit with Liam at the mixing board, and not say one word to me for the next hour. That was fine. If he wanted to act like I did not exist, I would exist to Niall.  
  
 _“Ready for lunch then lads?”_ Liam asked after Zayn did his tracks for half an hour.  
  
 Niall’s ears perked up. _“Pizza!”_ he demanded. _“Lexi saw a place next door, let’s go?”_ He asked.  
  
 Everyone stood up except Harry.  
  
 _“I’ll just stay back here and wait for Louis.”_ Harry said, keeping his eyes on the mixing board. The boys thought nothing of this and said they would bring back some pizza for them.  
  
 Angie matched step with Liam and Zayn chatting on about exactly HOW MANY people COULD you fit in an Addison Lee comfortably, while I linked arms with Niall and headed back into the maze of hallways in search of Niall’s pizza lunch….without Harry.


	5. Ashley, Seal Hands & Jet Lag

 I realized very quickly that the halls weren’t altogether that difficult to navigate. Liam seemed to have no problem whatsoever as he led us all back to the studio. I followed behind him chatting with Niall still. He was incredibly chatty, more than I had ever realized. Well, at least he wanted to talk to me, unlike some other boys around here. I thought of Harry and how crazy the Larry shippers would be going once they found out about Eleanor now being out of the picture. I realized it was probably up to me to send them into a frenzy, because I doubted Eleanor would just pop on to twitter to conveniently let everyone know of this information. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I wondered who on Earth could be messaging me at this point, but I thought it would be rude to check while one of the world’s biggest pop stars was talking my ear off.  
  
 We finally got back to the studio to find Harry still sitting alone at the mixing board.  
  
 “Where’s Louis?” Liam asked, face scrunched up, “Where’s our Donny boy?” he looked behind a shelving unit as if Louis was going to appear from behind it to scare them all.  
  
 “He came back in here with two girls named Ashley and Jana. They took some pictures and then the girls got in a little fight. Jana stormed out and then Louis left with Ashley. Dunno where they went.” Harry shrugged, accepting a small take out box of pizza from Zayn. I realized then why my phone would be going off. I hung back at the door and pulled out my phone. Sure enough, Ashley had tweeted and texted out a photo of her all over Louis. This could be relatively harmless if Eleanor hadn’t ALSO tweeted that Louis was the scum of the Earth and that the fangirls could have him now because she was done!  
  
I started to grin wildly. This was just TOO good. Between the Larry shippers and Ashley’s photos, this was pure gold. Thank goodness for Ashley keeping Louis away also, or he would have blown my cover! My cover only being needed because Harry was being a jackass, and I was in too deep to come out of cover now!   
  
 I looked up from my phone still with a smile on my face. I catch Harry’s eyes from just one second, and they look conflicted. The fact that he hasn’t said one word to me does not make me sympathize at all with him. I look around and everyone is actually staring at me too.  
 “Smiling at your phone? Ooh must have gotten a saucy text from your boyfriend eh?”  Liam joked.  
  
 I blushed. “Um, no, I’m not…” I started, actually unsure how to answer this one.  
  
 “She doesn’t have a boyfriend.” Angie supplied for me while “accidentally” stumbling into Harry, knocking the box out of his hands. “Sorry love.” She fake smiled at him.  
  
 I wondered if anyone else noticed Harry’s increased awkwardness as he pandered at the box on the floor for a good 50 seconds before being able to grip it. Like he suddenly had developed seal hands.  
  
 I smiled at how endearing he could be sometimes, even if he was ignoring me and I had no idea why. My heart felt full of butterflies as he finally let his smile out as he realized he looked like a moron fumbling with a take-out box, whipped it up into his arms and held it to his chest like a baby. Damn you Hazza, damn your cuteness.  
  
I kept blushing now, confused about my own feelings, as Niall motioned for me to come and sit beside him as I was still standing awkwardly at the door. I realized I couldn’t BE there anymore. This game wasn’t fun anymore. I needed to go home.  
  
 Angie was pawing at both Liam and Zayn and I realized getting her out of her would be heartbreaking for her, but I couldn’t just leave her behind. I texted her that we needed to leave, and hoped she would help me come up with a viable reason to leave.  
  
 Five minutes later Angie’s “Mom” texted her that it was time to head over. We were grown adults, that excuse sucked, but it was good enough for the boys. Well, some of them. Niall was harder to convince.  
  
 “Awe man! Are you sure you can’t stay! Just a while! I’m sure her mom won’t mind!” he begged in a sweetly charming Irish lilt I am sure no one could ever resist. It almost made me sit back down, and want to smack Angie at the same time for coming up with the most flimsy ass excuse I had ever heard in my 22 years on this planet. Like, why WHY would her mom need both of us? This made no sense and just thinking about it made me frustrated.  
  
 “Sorry, Niall. We have a flight to catch too, yeah, busy busy!” I sounded so fake; I hoped no one would notice. Harry clearly did, but right now I wasn’t sure of I cared or not. Niall got up suddenly, grabbed a napkin from Harry and wrote his number on it with a sharpie he pulled out of his pocket.  
  
 “Hey! You did have a pen on you out in the hallways!” Angie blurted.  
  
 Niall giggled. “Yep, I did. Just couldn’t leave you pretty ladies out there though, had to get you in here somehow!” he grinned with a guilty blush. “Lemme walk you out?” He asked as he shoved the napkin into my handbag.  
  
 Zayn stood up to protest. “I don’t think that’s the best idea, lad. You’ll get them lost and they will never get out of here! I will walk them to the elevators. Ladies?” he gestured towards the door and we walked ahead of him.  
  
 “Bye girls!” Niall and Liam chimed. They both looked down at Harry, annoyed as he didn’t even wave or anything.  
  
“Why were you such a rude git?” Niall asked Harry, unnecessarily loud. I did my best to keep from giggling. He really was my knight in shining 5sos tank top!  
  
x.x.x  
   
 Back in Cheshire! It felt great to be back at home in the proper time zone! I was not used to flying and the jet lag was kicking my ass. I had several kettles of tea and had to spend extra time apologizing to my cats for daring to leave them for 2 days.  
  
 Angie was crashed out on my couch with textbooks sprawled out open-faced on her stomach. She had forgotten she had an exam this week and had been so distracted by One Direction; she was only studying last minute and with time zone drama messing with her sleep patterns.  
 It took 3 full days for us to readjust to the days and to get over what had gone down. But really, it had been a huge day that the internet was in no way ready to let go of.  
  
 Larry shippers were going absolutely crazy. Now finally both Louis and Harry were single at the same time. This was a super huge deal. On the other hand though, Ashley kept spamming the internet with new photos of her in L.A with Louis. The Larry’s were not a big fan of Ashley at this point, but I am sure that was the absolute least of her concerns.  
  
 I had texted Niall when we had landed, just to let him know we were alive. He seemed to me like the worrying type. Now, on Day 3 back home he seemed way less busy with work and way into texting me. What door had I just opened? My psycho fangirl alter ego that had taken over of late was very interested in his texts and updates and I felt genuine confliction over whether I should use his texts on twitter and tumblr.  
  
 He liked to update me about random little details like what he was having for lunch and what he was watching on TV. He was so open and willing to talk about anything at all, so unlike Harry. I wondered when the last time was that Harry would just text me out of the blue so we could talk about each other’s days. Harry hadn’t even bothered to text me since I had landed back in Cheshire. Did he even wonder if I was still in L.A? Maybe Niall had told him that we were texting. Regardless, Harry should have texted me by now. If he could find the time to tweet, he could text his “girlfriend”.  
  
  With all the internet activity lately, I had let my real life slip away. I had neglected school work, and more importantly, Anne.  
 Yes, Harry was being a dick, but she was still alone and I had made her a promise to come by and keep her in the loop. I made myself a promise to go see her the next day and try to see also if she knew any reason why Harry would be avoiding me like the plague. I may just leave out the part that I went to L.A though.


	6. Surprises, Wallpaper & Liam

Anne wasn’t usually the kind of lady to plan surprises, and it was hard for her to keep a secret. This is why today was such an alarmingly bizarre day.

I joined Anne at her kitchen table as usual. She put the kettle on and fetched our favorite afternoon tea from the cupboard as I put away the fresh groceries I grabbed for her at the shoppers market before stopping by. Things felt normal and I was glad to be back into a sane and familiar routine that did not involve chasing pop stars across the globe.

At first Anne did not bring up Harry at all, making small talk about the last few weeks, school and whatnot. I was buzzing inside about to burst wanting her to ask the magic question: “So, have you talked to Harry?”  
I thought my brain had imagined it, but no, she really was asking now.

“I haven’t actually.” I said sadly, realizing this was the one person it may make a difference to that my relationship was deteriorating. I mean, Harry lived with me, we had cats together, but he hadn’t been home in months, plus he was blatantly ignoring me, even in person! Things had gotten out of hand and out of control. I had a feeling that Anne was the only one that could help me now.

“Tell me about it.” Annie prodded, concern on her face.  
“I don’t know if there’s much to tell. I think that harry just might be moving on with his life now, and there’s no room in it for me anymore. I’m just Cheshire and he’s L.A, I guess.” I said, admitting the truth to myself finally.

My poor cats were victims of a broken home!  
“I don’t know if that’s true love.” Anne said softly, standing up and fiddling with her cabinet doors, facing away from me. “Harry’s always loved you dearly, I can’t imagine what could be going through that boys head right now…” She seemed to drift away deep in thoughts.

“I miss him so much, but you know that feeling. You miss him even more than I could.” If Harry was ignoring me, he was ignoring Anne too by not returning to Cheshire. He was hurting us both.

“Could you join me in the other room Lexi?” Anne turned suddenly to me, escaping the trap of thoughts she had been fraying off into.

I nodded, concerned with how jumpy she had become and followed her into the next room.

I had never received such a shock in my life to come face to face with Harry Styles sitting pensively on Anne’s living room couch.

My breath caught in my throat as every emotion I had been feeling since L.A came rushing back up and my eyes filled to the brim with tears, threatening to tip over my eyelids and cascade down my face. I bit them back as best as I could, unsure how to handle this situation. I wanted to throw myself into the safety of his tanned arms, but I also wanted to smack him upside his face for making my heart ache, and for abandoning me.

He remained silent, and I was tired of his silence. Too long had there not been a word out of his mouth for me. I opened my mouth to speak, probably very angry hate filled words, but they never found a voice to say them. My mouth just hung open dumbly as Anne stepped out of the room and Harry stood up to catch me before I even realized I was falling towards him.

We held each other tight, just standing there in the world’s most tackiest living room where the couch pattern matched the wallpaper’s splotchy gargantuan red roses. It was easy to ignore the loudness of the walls when we were standing together in an overwhelming silence that never seemed to end. I curled my fingers into his hair in a familiar way, remembering its softness and burying my face into the cotton of his shirt, the scent of him calming my nerves.

He pulled me along to the couch next and we sat down, sliding away from our entwined selves to look at each other’s faces with a space between us.

There was so much to say, so much to ask, but neither one of us knew where to start. Somewhere along the line he stopped being my normal Harry from Cheshire, and I stopped being his secret normal Lexi from back home. He was lost, confused, and lately, so was I.

“Come home?” I asked finally, cutting the silence in the room like a hoarse knife.

He nodded, and took my hand.

Back in the kitchen, Anne was putting away the mugs from our tea, and waved us out. She had given me quite a shock. He had probably told her something, she knew what was going on. It was quite unlike her not to fill me in, and I was looking forward to our next conversation about her little surprise on her living room couch.

x.x.x

Harry and I didn’t talk about our problems; we just tried to have a normal night somehow without ever bringing it up. Maybe we thought if we ignored it long enough, we could keep things the same, like the used to be, for just a little while longer.

I started to prepare dinner, while Harry scoured the house for Bob and Kyle, his favorite feline friends.  
Angie had disappeared during the day while I had been gone, and I wasn’t sure if she was going to pop up again tonight, but it didn’t matter anyways. I wouldn’t let Harry complain about her presence, he wasn’t here enough to stake claim on the apartment in any way.

“Kitties!! Oh Mr. Kitties!!’ Harry was singing while hunched over on all fours in the hallway, patting the ground with his hands, hoping to lure out the cats.

I laughed as I watched Bob scurry to hide under the sink.

x.x

After dinner, we sat quietly on the couch, until Harry’s cellphone rang. He actually had two in his pockets, and I could not even fathom why one person would need two phones on them at all times.

He answered the call and got into a big conversation with Louis about Liam. I didn’t quite understand all of it because I was only getting one side of it, but Louis was definitely having a row with Liam or something because he was very worked up. Poor guy was having a rough week.

I hadn’t seen anymore photos of Louis pop up on Ashley’s twitter, so I assumed now she was back in London. I wondered if she and Jana had made up after fighting over Louis.

I had time to think all of these things over during the course of his conversation, and I felt bit of leftover rage from earlier in the day boil back up to the surface.  
Harry must have noticed the colour of my face change as he quickly came up with an excuse and got off the call.

“I’m sorry.” He said gesturing towards the cell as he pocketed it.

“You have plenty of time to talk to Louis but never any time to call me up, love.” I said, trying to stay with as much a level voice as possible.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. I rolled my eyes, starting to become irritated with the words.

“Why don’t you ever come home to me Harry?” I finally asked, that loathsome pinpricking of sharp tears behind my eyes made me angrier. I pushed them back, but still my eyes felt puffy and reddened.

“I was afraid.” He said meekly, curling into himself shamefully.

Panic filled me. Afraid of what? What had he done? I looked at him with wide eyes, begging wordlessly for an explanation, because surely whatever I was thinking was worse than the truth.

“I didn’t want you to get thrown into my world! I want to protect you!” he admitted.

I let out a very loud exasperated noise.

“You can’t protect me forever Harry! You have been a complete dick! It was uncalled for!” I let out my angry thoughts to him, “You ignored me, by cell, to my face even! No explanation! If you don’t want me a part of your world, you really made a clear statement about it! I won’t be!” I moved to stand up but he grabbed my wrist. I jerked it back to myself so hard that it hurt.

“I can handle anything harry, but I don’t know if I can handle you. You made a decision about my life and our life together without even considering how I would feel about it. You think I am too weak to handle L.A or your life in a boyband? Then why are you still here?” I was yelling now. I had hoped to avoid that.

“You can’t hide me forever Harry Styles!” I finally screamed out. I was tired of being left behind. “It’s all or nothing now. I can’t be with you if this is how my life is going to be.” My voice shook finally at the reality of what I was saying.

My thoughts were sound, but I wanted so badly for them not to be true. This couldn’t be a real thing that was happening. He may just leave me now, for good. I wished I could take back my words, but they were true. It was down to him now.

I walked to the kitchen, my back turned to him, then at least I wouldn’t have to watch him leave the apartment.

Angie burst in at that moment, throwing the door wide open, and grinning like a madman, “YOU WON’T EVEN BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED LEXI, IT’S ALL OVER THE INTERNET, BUT IT WAS JANA! SHE ACTUALLY GOT PICTURES! I HAVE BEEN TWEETING YOU OH MY GOD WHY HAVEN’T YOU SEEN LIAM WAS-oh.” Angie clamped her mouth shut as she caught eyes with Harry.

He looked confused and overwhelmed by the intrusion.

“I am SOOO sorry.” Angie said in a whisper, making to back away from him as slowly as possible as if he were a wild lion about to eat her, the little Bambi.

I turned to face her, face red and pain written all over it, I waved her into the kitchen.

“What did Jana find?” I questioned her in hushed tones. Angie’s overwhelming need to share juicy gossip overtook her urge to find out what was wrong.

“Liam making out with a bloke in a pub this afternoon! Jana hung back in L.A since Ashley is back at their apartment in London! She followed Liam and he is TOTALLY GAY!” Angie was so excited, she didn’t mean to, but she screamed out the words ‘totally gay’ at the top of her voice, and I was sure the people down the block had heard her. I glanced over at harry, whose face was legitimately concerned now with pieces of random information. I couldn’t even process this at this point.

So, Liam was gay. This was really interesting. Was this the most important moment of my day? Not really. I gave Angie the cliffnotes version of what had happened since I had gone to Anne’s and she scurried back out the front door without a second glance at Harry.

With renewed confidence, I returned to the living room and sat back down with Harry. Since he hadn’t left, I knew he wasn’t going to. He never really was a ‘storming out’ kind of guy. He was calm, he was collected, he was beautiful, he was tanned, he was…I am getting distracted, but most importantly he was proving impossible to deal with, and now may be my only chance to figure him out.


	7. Sushi, Revelations & Grease

I woke up early the next morning surprised to see Harry asleep beside me. It had been an empty spot beside me for so long, it was a bit jarring to have him there.

I let him sleep and slipped out from under the comforter and went to start something for breakfast. I saw his old dodgy brown boots tucked beside each other at the front door. God, how I hated those boots, but they still made me smile, just to see them there. As if the boots symbolized that he was here and that he wasn’t leaving, but I knew.

I opened up my laptop after I started the kettle and started hunting for evidence of what Angie had told me the night before about Liam. Sure enough, it was all over tumblr AND twitter now.

As I looked at the hundredth repost of Liam snogging a random dude outside of a pub, something clicked in the back of my mind. Louis had called Harry just minutes before Angie had burst into the apartment. Louis was angry, really angry with something Liam had done. He had clearly been very affected by something Liam had done, and I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to process what it meant.

I considered texting Louis to confirm if my suspicions were correct, but knowing him, he probably needed some space right now. I glanced over at my phone anyways and noticed it was flashing, and right away I knew who it was. Niall.

Oh no. I had forgotten to message Niall back yesterday. Things just got so intense so quickly and the time just got away from me. Harry wasn’t supposed to even be back from L.A! There just wasn’t enough time for me to figure out what I was going to tell Niall about my relationship with Harry. Did I even need to? Was there anything to tell?

I heard shuffling in the next room and my thoughts scattered. I wasn’t done having my existential crisis yet! Thoughts of my time without him filled my head, visiting Anne, the twitter craziness, tumblr, Jana & Ashley, going to L.A…actually, it was all about Harry in the end. Everything that had happened was because of him. He was always with me in the back of my mind, fueling my emotions and motivating me to take the next step.

I picked up my cell finally and answered Niall with a good morning and wished him a nice day. He said he would be busy that day so hopefully he would take a million years to reply to me to I could have more time to figure things out.

I slammed my laptop full of incriminating fan evidence shut and hoped that would help clear my mind of all the extra crap while I tried to hold a conversation with my Harry. Today he would be just my Harry, not Mr. Harry Freaking Styles.

X

Harry and I went for a lunch date at our favorite sushi spot, where we had our first date back in high school. We still hadn’t resolved a single thing, however I was dreading what the result would be; as I assumed he also was, thus we avoided it.

Neither one of us wanted to break up, that felt too final…but we were never together. It didn’t even seem like we were a real thing anymore. Something had to give.

It was all of these thoughts bundled together that were running through my mind as we walked down the block to lunch. When his hand fumbled beside me, I didn’t think twice, until his fingers intertwined with mine. I smiled wide despite myself. Here at home in Cheshire, Harry was alright with holding my hand in public, and that felt like a good start to me.

However, that’s when things started going downhill. A man with a huge camera ran at us from across the street, clicking like mad as he did. I didn’t realize at first what was happening, but Harry did. He stood directly in front of me, pulling me gently behind him, but he knew as well as I did that it didn’t matter. He was spotted and he was with me, this was the end of us being a secret, and the end of my anonymity as a random person that he didn’t know. I knew tumblr and twitter and today they would be my biggest enemy.

It felt kind of ironic that the two places I had been hiding for weeks would now turn on me so quickly. I started to imagine the kind of posts that would be made with the pictures of Harry and I holding hands on our innocent trip to have lunch and mend our relationship.

Then I started to panic. Angie, Jana, Ashley, and even Niall would see this. This affected so much more than just Harry. Terror rose as I realized the man with the camera was not alone. They were everywhere, and they were getting closer.

Harry’s grip on my hand tightened. He tugged me along into a yogurt shop and towards the cash area. The cashiers looked shocked at the build-up of people at their doors, but seemed relieved that they weren’t piling in after Harry. Harry pulled out his cellphone and dialed. He spoke to someone briefly, asking for a member of his security to come meet him.

The manager led us into the staff room so we could sit down privately while we waited. Harry looked furious and confirmed my thoughts as he got up very suddenly and punched a wall with all his strength. As he sat back down biting his lip, I realized he had hurt himself in his effort to let off some steam.

I grabbed his red fist and kissed his knuckles.

We placed our phones on the table and I noticed mine was flashing again. At some point Niall had texted me back. It was surely only hours until he would know the truth, or at least a version of it. I felt a pang of guilt surge through me, also regret at not knowing how my friendship could have evolved with Niall without all the Harry stuff involved.

“Will you be in London anytime? Rehearsals start up for our next tour this week, and it would be cool if you came to hang with us.” He had texted.

That would be the last text that he would send before finding out that Harry and I were both liars. We hadn’t lied to his face, but we had been lying by omission, and that was just as bad.

I sent him a smiley face, but inside I was crying over this whole ordeal.

I thought that I was ready for all of this, but I was scared. Harry could end all of this right now. He could leave Cheshire, leave me behind and run off with whoever was convenient, and no one would ever pay attention to me again. I was terrified that this would be too much for him, and that he would think he was still protecting me.

“Take me with you.” I said out loud finally, after staring at my phone forever.

He looked up at me confused.

“To London. Let’s just move everything. We can take the cats; we can start over in London. I can be a part of your world, at least for a little while before you go on tour. We can be together at least while rehearsals are-“

“Yes, I would love that!” he grinned. I hadn’t expected that. I thought I would have to push, but I was thankful. We leaned across the table to each other and he kissed the tip of my nose. “That is exactly what I want. I am ready.” He said softly.

His security guy Marcel appeared in the doorway then, wearing a neon security vest and ushered us out the backdoor and into a car that took us back home. Our home, at least for a little while longer.

We ordered in sushi instead, and watched Grease on repeat for several hours until the sun was gone from the sky. And for the first time in forever, I didn’t even touch my laptop.


	8. Rehearsals, Coming Out & Moving In

I woke up happy but still dreading the fallout over the previous days’ events. Grease was still playing on a loop on the TV, and I bopped my way over to the kitchen to the sounds of “Summer Lovin’” playing for the 99th time.  
  
 I opened up my laptop out of habit, but stared at my desktop for over a minute, conflicted about opening up tumblr and twitter. Who knew what I would find there? I was about to give in when Harry shuffled into the kitchen, topless.  
  
 I scanned him up and down and blushed when he caught me grinning at him. He was super tanned from his time in L.A and I felt so pale just looking at him. I resolved that I needed to spend some more time in L.A to match his sun kissed skin tone.  
  
 Harry seemed to be in a flirty mood, probably also suppressing our run in with the paparazzi from yesterday, as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek.  
  
 Bob and Kyle came trotting in behind him, having gotten used to him staying the night, and started rubbing up against his legs, purring.  
I wish it could have stayed like this forever. But the banging on my front door told me that it wouldn’t. I had a feeling it was Angie, despite her not barging in this time. The banging went on nonstop until I got to the door.  
  
 Angie’s eyes were bulging from her head.  
  
“Are you alone? Have you been online today? Are you okay? How are you?” Angie managed to get out in one breath, while whispering, staying put on the spot outside my door.  
  
 “Harry’s here, but you can come in.” I said, “Also, I haven’t been online yet, I just woke up.”  
  
 Angie followed me inside, with multiple looks of concern flashing across her face.  
  
“Lexi it’s 1 in the afternoon.” she said disappointed, however the look on her face quickly swapped to super excited when Harry slid into the living room with a glass of orange juice, still only wearing the boxers he slept in.  
  
 I could practically hear Angie’s voice catch in her throat and I was sure she had stopped breathing. She didn’t always like Harry, especially lately, but that didn’t stop her from thinking he was a babe. Now here he was topless in front of her, and I could see she was having a hard time composing herself.  
  
 “Angie! It’s a pleasure as always. Orange juice?” he gestured to his glass.  
  
 “No, thank you.” She squeaked. I was amazed she was able to speak at all. This was some real personal growth.  
  
 “I’m just going to go get dressed, you ladies talk.” He smiled, realizing he was a large distraction for Angie, who clearly had come over for a purpose.  
  
 Angie sat down on the couch and pulled out her tablet from her purse. I braced myself for what she was about to show me, glad she had come and that I didn’t have to do this alone. Harry was used to his face plastered on the internet, but I was honestly not prepared.  
  
 Angie started scrolling down her twitter feed that was covered in Directioners reblogging the new photos from yesterday. It was a slow week in One Direction news, so everyone’s attention was on me. Everyone loved getting new photos of Harry and reblogging them like crazy, but this was different. First, the Larry fans wouldn’t be pleased that Harry was with a girl and not Louis. Worse was that they didn’t recognize me. I knew who would though-Jana, Ashley and Niall.  
  
 I had a burning urge to log into my accounts to see if the girls had messaged me. I got up to get my laptop and sure enough there was a DM from Ashley and even Gemma on my personal account. My twitter notifications were being spammed by Jana like crazy, and I noticed that Niall had been online. I hadn’t looked at my phone yet, but I wasn’t ready.  
  
 I opened the DM from Gemma first.  
  
 “Guess the cats out of the bag! It will all be okay, don’t worry! -Gems”  
  
Second was Ashley.  
  
 “I cannot believe you didn’t tell me you were with Harry! I mean I KNOW Larry isn’t real, but regardless, you think this would be the kind of thing you would tell a girl! I am shocked to find out this way!”  
  
 I was relieved she wasn’t threatening to kill me, but I knew she was more of a Louis girl anyways. I wondered how she was so convinced Larry wasn’t real, when up to a few days ago, even I had myself convinced. I knew I wouldn’t get such a good response from Jana or the other Harry girls.  
  
 I clicked on my mentions, and saw nothing but Jana all the way down the page. She always was a lot more intense than everyone else, but this was crazy. I started to read all of the direct and indirect insults and threats she had written to me, and I started to cry. It wasn’t just Jana, but the fact that someone I knew could act like this, I knew to expect it from way more than just here.  
  
 I turned to my cellphone finally to see Niall had texted me several times. I started to cry harder, not knowing what to say to him.  
 As if a ringing alarm had gone off, a now dressed Harry came frantically running back into the living room and scooped me into his arms. He knew mostly why I was upset, and I felt a small comfort that he was still there to help me deal with this.  
  
 He kissed my forehead, “Are you sure you still want to do this?” he asked me, “Do you still want to come to London with me?” he sounded nervous.  
  
 I nodded. “On one condition, you have to explain everything to Niall.”  
  
 He looked genuinely confused, but nodded anyways.

  
  
 X

  
  
 That week went by in a blur, as we packed up my things and planned the move to London. We decided to leave the apartment to Angie since she practically lived there at this point and that way we didn’t have to move everything out at once. We weren’t done packed yet, but Harry needed to be in London that Sunday for the start of rehearsals for the Where We Are Tour, so we decided to head out for a quick trip before moving. This way Harry could also clear everything up with Niall, and we could figure out finally what was going on with Louis and Liam.  
  
 We stopped by to see Anne to let her know of our plans before leaving. I was worried about leaving Anne most of all, because of the routine we had set up and how she was used to having at least me around to keep her updated on Harry. However, she reacted incredibly well. I quickly realized it was because she wouldn’t be alone anymore. Apparently while Harry and I were off getting into trouble, Anne had found the time to meet a lovely man named Jacob. Turns out they had been dating the last few weeks, while I was too busy wrapped up in One Direction land to come over! I was so glad that she finally had someone! He even had a 5 year old daughter named Lily, so her nest wouldn’t be empty anymore!  
  
 We stopped by the school quickly to pick up my transfer papers. I was still a student after all! I wouldn’t just drop all of that for Harry! I planned to put in my transfer to a school in London once we got settled!  
  
 Finally we couldn’t delay it any longer and we got on a plane to London.  
  
I felt anxious about seeing Niall again. I needed Harry to talk to Niall. I had texted him back finally, and told him that Harry would explain everything, but I still felt horribly guilty.  
  
 I sent a message to Ashley and hoped she would meet up with me while we were there so we could talk about the situation. I needed just one less person to hate me, and I think I would be okay. She seemed the calmest about everything, and I also wanted to know more about what was going on with her and Louis! Sure, I had Harry back but I needed the gossip!  
  
 Harry went in ahead of me to the rehearsal space while I went to meet up with Ashley at a donut shop.  
  
 I sat alone inside waiting, nervous.  
  
 “Okay, we technically both kept secrets from each other.” I heard suddenly and looked up at Ashley who was standing in front of me.  
 She sat down and her disappointed look changed into a smile.  
  
 “I understand why you didn’t tell anyone. Louis made me keep a secret too.” She said.  
  
 I leaned in closer. “I think I know what it is, but don’t tell me just in case. So, how are things with Jana lately?” I asked.  
 Ashley rolled her eyes.  
  
 “Jana is still in L.A. She is completely pissed still because of that one day I spent with Louis trying to help him cope with the Eleanor break up. She is angry that I won’t tell her the details and the gossip and give her his phone number. She isn’t coming back as far as I know, so I’ll probably have to move back to Doncaster now that I don’t have a roommate!” Ashley ranted, “Sorry for venting, but Jana was my best friend, and I haven’t really had anyone to complain to about it.” She frowned.  
  
 “I’m really sorry that is happening to you. However, I may have an idea.” I told Ashley that I was planning to move to London while Harry was here for rehearsals, but that I would be alone once the tour started.  
  
 Ashley’s eyes popped out.  
  
 “You should just move in with me! We can be roommates! That way you won’t be alone when Harry is gone!” Ashley said.  
 “Harry would be there though, when he is in town.” I stated.  
  
 “I have zero problems with that!” She grinned.  
  
So, there it was, a solution to my problem! Thankful that Ashley was able to move past my lying, I was hopeful that Niall would too, and that Harry would have spoken to him about it before I got there.  
  
 Ashley dropped me off at the rehearsal space and wished me luck in dealing with Niall.  
  
 My heart was in my stomach, and I felt nauseous.  
  
 I dawdled in the entry way for over 5 minutes, delaying going inside and facing reality. Finally I texted Harry that I had arrived; took a deep breath and walked into the building.  
  
 Sure enough, Niall was standing directly in front of me, staring me in the face.  
  
 “Ack.” I accidentally said out loud.  
  
 “Couldn’t decide if you wanted to come in or not?” Niall asked.  
  
 “You were watching me stand there weren’t you?” I said.  
  
 Niall chuckled, “Yeah, it was pretty adorable.”  
  
 I frowned. There was that stabby pain in my stomach again.  
  
 “I talked to Harry, or rather, Harry talked at me. Per your request, I hear.” Niall said, noticing my discomfort.  
  
“Yes. It was primarily his mess so I was hoping he could clean it up.” I said, looking at the floor, knowing it was my mess too.  
  
 “I can’t say I am completely happy about this.” Niall said. Finally, a realistic response to this madhouse. “I feel a little bit used…Like, were you just pretending to be my friend to make him jealous or something?”  
  
 “NO!” I shouted, not meaning to. “No, Niall, really. I didn’t know what was going on with Harry anymore. I really am your friend!”  
  
 Niall smiled wide. “It’s okay, really. Just, no more lying by omission, okay? Kind of a rule for being my friend?”  
  
 I ran up and hugged him, relieved.  
  
 “I’m going to be around a lot more, is that okay?” I asked him.  
  
 I took it as a yes when he hugged me back.

  
  
X

  
  
 Niall helped me find the rehearsal area, this time without getting lost at all, and I figured this was a huge success for him.  
  
 I walked over to Harry and updated him on the idea that Ashley and I had at the donut shop. Harry realized it would be better to find a nice big apartment and invite Ashley to move in with us, instead of us all squeezing into her old apartment that she had shared with Jana. I texted her right away to ask her what she thought about the idea, and she seemed very excited by it. I thought to myself how jealous Jana would be if she knew Harry Styles was going to foot the bill for Ashley’s new apartment. This gave me great joy and I broke into a large grin. Niall popped up beside me suddenly as I smiled at my phone.  
  
 “Who ya texting? Can’t be your boyfriend, cuz he’s sitting just right over there.” He pointed ironically referencing the last time he caught me smiling at my phone.  
  
 “Just messaging a friend. Actually, I think you’d quite like her.” I said, an idea forming in my mind.  
  
“Oh really? Well, do you think she’d like Nandos?” Niall asked, intrigued.  
  
 “Oh, I think she would love Nando’s. “ I assured him, having no idea if Ashley had ever even been to Nandos in her whole life. “I’ll text you her number, you should see if she wants to go.”  
  
 “I’ll do that.” He grinned, pulling out his phone and awaiting the number. He spent the next 40 minutes ignoring their rehearsal director and texting Ashley on his phone.  
  
 That was okay however, because Liam and Louis weren’t being very productive either. They were sitting aside arguing with Zayn and then both stood up out of nowhere and ran to get Harry who was actually doing work in the distance.  
  
 Zayn came to stand with me and muttered in my ear, “The boys have an announcement.”  
  
 I was instantly excited, because I had a feeling I knew what was coming. Niall had a hard time tearing his eyes from his cellphone but could tell by Liam’s serious face that it was time to pay attention.  
  
 Liam started off looking like he was going to make some huge dramatic speech but before he could do so Louis grabbed his hand and clasped it tightly in his.  
  
 “Everyone alright with that?” He demanded, louder than I am sure he intended to.  
  
 The jaw of the rehearsal director dropped to the floor.  
  
Larry was forever shattered, and Lilo was the new champion. This was possibly one of the sweetest ‘coming outs’ I had ever witnessed, and I was so damn excited that Lilo was a real thing. My urge to tweet this ground breaking event was  crushed by the boys trying to live their lives as normally as possible around me Also, having now been victimized by tumblr, I realized what a crap idea it was in the first place even getting involved and absorbed into that world. Harry’s hand found mine and I knew that part of my life was done now, just as quickly as it had began.  
  
 I was glad I had given Niall Ashley’s phone number, now that I knew for sure that Louis was gay. There’s no reason she and Niall had to lose out here!

  
X

  
 At the end of the week Harry and I were able to come home from rehearsals to our apartment in London that we shared with Ashley. I was able to apply for a transfer for the University of London that Ashley actually was also enrolled in. Harry and I were able to spend more time together, and Ashley was able to spend time with Niall. However, Niall learned from Harry’s mistakes and didn’t try to keep Ashley hidden from the world.  
  
 One night before bed I logged into my fangirl tumblr and twitter accounts to find them covered in pictures of our boys and co-starring Ashley and I. These people would never know that this was me, being on here, seeing the things they post and say about us, but that’s okay.  I deleted my accounts and kept only my personal twitter, which Harry was working on getting Verified due to the sheer number of fake accounts popping up.  
  
I sent Angie a quick message to see how she was doing and check on my cats, which she had demanded in keeping since I would be busy with school, and mainly so that Harry had some incentive to come back to Cheshire to visit her and his mother.  
  
 I looked over at Harry, still tanned from L.A, already passed out beside me, exhausted from a long day of rehearsals. In only a few short weeks, the spot beside me would be empty again. This time though, I wasn’t alone. This time, I didn’t have to keep my mouth shut. I could be Harry Styles’ girlfriend, and everyone knew about it. He didn’t have to keep a fake girlfriend and make me maddeningly jealous. When he went on a crazy vacation, he could actually take me. I didn’t have to hide in Cheshire. Now Harry could be My Harry all the time.    
  
Although, I had realized something important these past few weeks.  
 Yes, it WAS impossible to love Harry Styles. But, he was worth it.


End file.
